Dear Detroit Free Press,
I fixed your article. This version is better.
P.S. I’ll be wearing short-shorts, flip-flops, and a tank top to work today. Thanks for the inspiration.
I was skimming my Facebook feed at a low-key coffee shop when I was stunned out of my silence and into a fit of rage by a pathetic and infuriating article published online by the Detroit Free Press; Georgea Kovanis had written an un-ironic and self-righteous piece called “I know why she’s showing off her booty,” detailing the items that women should not be wearing this summer and truly revealing the underbutt of this publication whose judgment many of us are now questioning.
After collecting my wits, I sputtered about how much pain women have already endured considering the ridiculous amount of ridicule they face every day from every angle. And can you believe that this writer is perfectly comfortable parading around her unfair and sexist ideas? People are trying to live their damn lives! What was she thinking? Why? Why? Why?
Then, it occurred to me: This woman truly believes we are overcompensating when really we are underdressing for a very simple reason: WE WANT TO. It’s a choice. And it’s ours to make.
It’s getting warm around here, and Kovanis at least got one thing right—Michiganders are excited about it! But instead of celebrating the changing of the season with the rest of us, Kovanis would rather exchange her unfortunate and petty disdain for winter’s pajama pants for an equally unfortunate and petty disdain for the booty shorts of spring and summer. In other words, she overcompensates for her lack of respect for other women by baring waaaaaay too much about what she thinks those women should or should not be wearing. I’m sure she thinks it’s helpful.
I understand the psychology behind wanting to police women into some version of perceived modesty. Wait, no I don’t. Besides the fact that this behavior borders on obscene, it makes one look desperately clueless. Which is never a good look.
On anyone. Writer or news publication or otherwise.
Wondering if you’re coming off as desperately clueless to women you are trying to control because for some reason you believe you are an authority on what clothing is and is not “appropriate?” Here are six tips if you’re feeling inclined to tell women what they should and should not wear:
- Are you feeling overcome with the urge to tell a woman that she’s baring too much skin? Pro tip: DON’T.
- Or maybe you want to tell her that it’s inappropriate to wear something that leaves her bra strap visible? Pro tip: DON’T.
- Or perhaps you’re thinking of letting her know that a feature of her outfit is making her seem “desperate.” Pro tip: DON’T.
- And please don’t tell her that tank tops should only be worn to the gym or the beach because you think tank tops are underwear. NO, REALLY, DON’T.
- In fact, if you are feeling inclined to police what a woman is wearing in any way, shape, or form…DO NOT DO IT.
- I will say it one more time, for the people in the back: What a woman chooses to wear is her choice. Maybe it’s hot, so she’s baring some skin. Maybe what she’s wearing is simply what she feels comfortable in, or maybe it’s a form of self-expression. Long story short, I know the real reason she’s showing off her booty. BECAUSE SHE FREAKIN’ WANTS TO. Worry about your own damn self and stop trying to shame other people for choices that have zero effect on you. So if you think women actually care about your judgmental (and sexist) spring/summer style “tips,” guess what. WE DON’T.
Next thing you know the Freep will be publishing a piece on how women should really smile more.